Turning 22 and the Art of STILL Remaining Single!!
I am turning 22 in another 4 months. Growing old scares me and soon I will be pushed to a situation where I will be made to choose a guy to live with the rest of my life. Only 22years of living in this world has mademy parents to pressure me into this.
22years of living - well that includes 2years of working experience. In the corporate world, 2years of working experience is nothing. This being my case, my close friend calls me up on a early sunday morning to ask me for an opinion and help her out of it. Apparently she has a year less experience in working than me. Now her confusion is to choose between her career which has just started and marrying a guy. She has a deadline by Jan 2009 to get married and if she misses it she gets to renew it only by 2011. Sad right? "Iyer guys" wish they all stay in India. Somehow they manage to get settled or work in a froeign country :( pathetic situation... What will this poor thing do when she is married to the guy who will have to go away from India? With just a bare work experience she cant establish something new outside at the moment...
Why cant she marry at 25? Well the question is a bad one I tell you because men (Iyer men) these days prefer "A professionaly qualified Home Makers". For what joy is left to god! Poor gal toils until 12th to get into an engineering college and again toils to compete in this unfair world with her counterpart and when it comes to her career she is expected to forget it for the sake of "men folk and family" per-se. Back to the confusion in decision making - Career or Marraige? If she misses her marraige now she will be forced to marry someone when she is 25. 25years is the worst time to get married. The gal gets to meet too many men and is very happy with her financial independance. With the clause of matrimonial Home Making, she will be devastated totally. So the end result is her career is at stake either way.
Forgeting all this and god loving her she gets a very understanding guy where she gets to compromise little, I came with 2 suggestions -
1. Marry by Jan 2009, Work hard for a year until Jan 2010 (living apart) and get a very good work where he is which is very much likely to happen. short term living apart, long term happily lived ever after...
2. Make a guy fall in love with you, who understands your need for a career, then marry him as and when you please.
Neither of them was accepted by her and she has now chosen to marry by 25. I then was forced to warn her of the side effects -
1) Her biological clock will start ticking faster when she is 25.
2) Her choice would be limited.
3) She will have to cater to her mother's cribbings which will be much more than what it is now.
Anyhow life is so complicated and a girl is with so much pressure to decide between career and her marraige! I always wondered why men are the bread-winners?? Its her life; her decision. Hope it turns out to be the best for her...
All said and done, I always believe in there is always more than a solution to a given problem ;) Life keeps going on inspite of any number of problem one has till one dies!
13 comments:
> I always wondered why men are the bread-winners.
I think you've wondered it right. I used to wonder so too and ever further that my spouse takes care of bread-winning, while i can pursue things of my interest, and thus the family stays 'maintained'.
But even statistically and realistically speaking, i think guys are now preferring (speaking out of experience) women belonging to the working sector. But that's mostly due to selfish reasons - more money is always welcome in the house. Times are changing and marriage doesn't mean end of career for women any more. And i dont think marriage is this complicated. Maybe i'm too young to opine on marriage.
BTW, thanks for the comment at my blog. Deepti vaazhga, and innum deep-aga think pannuga. :-D
:-) solutions r always der.. but at wat cost? at some point( at many actually) we all compromise.. :-) keep writing.. as u said...ur still young at 22.. take ur time..
nhey.. meanwhile.. do visit my blog..
I feel sorry for u! Yet to grow!
Why don’t girls dare enough to say that they don’t want to marry and be happy? I bet, most girls would safely put the blame on their parents that they insist on getting married but secretly they desire to get married.
How many of girls really want to go to job after marriage and more so after getting one or two kids? Eventhough many of them leave the kids to be taken care by either their parents or in-laws.
Very few really care to develop in career by taking challenges and those who really care never cribs at the chores at home or the marriage but simply rock at their career.
Check all those women who have rocking career life. Almost everybody is married. This is not true for all the successful men.
@ TS “But even statistically and realistically speaking, i think guys are now preferring (speaking out of experience) women belonging to the working sector. But that's mostly due to selfish reasons - more money is always welcome in the house” I am not sure of which sample you took to prove this statistically. Good you said “more money is always welcome”. When you grow up you will understand, guys these days prefer their wife to get employed so that they keep them engaged...as the saying goes idle mind is devil’s workshop. They don’t want their lovely wife to be devils… got it?
@ Karthik
"I bet, most girls would safely put the blame on their parents that they insist on getting married but secretly they desire to get married."
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If so, they wouldn't fight for a long time. Probably a temporary reasoning.
"How many of girls really.... "
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Its a personal choice. Lets not comment on that.
"Check all those women who have rocking career life. Almost everybody is married. This is not true for all the successful men."
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It takes a lot for these women to have broken out of the soceital cliches and carve out their career.
Statistically, however u define success, the percentage of successful men who are married will b greater than those who aren't.
and ur argument abt wives being devils was quite shallow. And oh! If u had meant it to be a joke, shallow again! :)
@anu....
from your post, its well understood that you did not understood the blog properly nor did you understand TS's comment. my comment needs to be read in conjuction with the above both... When you read it in silos, no wonder, it would look shallow only...
By commenting my remarks as shallow, you are acknowledging TS comments that men want women to work only for MONEY... if so, how shallow is your attitude??
Again I never commented about success of men who are not married, I too hold the same view that statistcally successful women are those who are married.. where did you find the difference...
Girl, read the stuff first... and try to understand before emotionally pouring out..
haha.. " Blogger-kalukkul sarchai irukkalam, sandai irukka koodadhu.."
:-)
If u think abt it, nothing can be generalised...but stastics will be..
I am wondering how come all on a sudden my blog is under lime light and so many comments!!
@ Anu, Karthik & li
Thank you for reading through my blog and commenting. It is very overwhelming to know my blog is being read by people...
Thank you...
@ karthik
u had said, not all succesful men are married whereas almost all succesful women are. implies, women who r career oriented need not fret over marrying/not. i.e. they can pursue their careers independent of marriage n those who try to compromise are not wat they portray themselves to be. isnt? correct me if i am wrongif i have interpreted ur words wrong.
so, i told u even though they are career oriented, they have to break many societal hitches in order to be succesful. getting there, by itself seems an uphill task. n u add 'no marriage.only career. getting there' sole aim; there will be many ready to butcher the idea and the person. whereas, it will raise brows in a guy's case. bt the reactions will not be as strong as butchering. agreed? all i mean is, a girl has to put more fite in order to achieve the same. lets face it. its not utopia.
now, point 2.
i had referred to ur analogy of wives and devils. no more. its got no correlation with the ideas that 'guys prefer their wives to work coz 1) more money or 2)they ll go crazy sitting idle @ home'
i dont support either ur's / TS' idea.
n well.. if i have to comment on that, ppl.. its a lady's choice to work or not to. a guy preferring his wife to work, is imposing his views on her for reasons he knows best.
@anu
To be verbatim of what I told "Check all those women who have rocking career life. Almost everybody is married. This is not true for all the successful men". Careful reading, without any bias, would mean that most of the successful women have the knack and tenacity to be success in their career irrespective of their marital status. And this I addressed to the lines of that the author has said "Back to the confusion in decision making - Career or Marriage?"- Do you understand? Meaning Career and marriage can co-exist. And What I said "this is not true for all the successful men" means, it is not necessary that all the successful men are married-some may not have the knack to balance both!
I have carefully used the word “Almost all women"-meaning barring few, "not all men"-meaning-few men.
And it is very apparent from your words that you are more biased in reading as well as in understanding. You have jumped into some kind of conclusions before reading it.
And to your second point-a classic example of your biased gross misunderstanding!
Idle mind is devil's workshop- this is a common statement. Men prefer to have their wife occupied with something-they wouldn’t like their wife to be idle so as to devil have its workshop there-got it? Now don’t claim that they "home makers" have routine chores in day to day life- almost all of them are having house maids to do the chore works and most of the men of recent days share work at home.
And to your last sentence “guy preferring his wife works" the word used is preferred meaning " When u like something more than other"- in all normal sense - it is not imposing rather an option for choice.
Girl...stop looking at things in biased way...in the long run this may not help you...it would be rather damaging your growth... think on it objectively... you will understand my words are neutral and non-aligned. Understand that Women are no good than men and men are no good then woman... each have their own area of effectiveness when identified, harnessed gives greater result... if you want to take this further, you are more welcome we shall take it offline at karty.iyer@gmail.com and spare deepti's blog
u know what dudes. err. n dudets.. I can't believe two people talking the SAME THING can argue so much.. anu, karthik.. both u guys r talkin the same thing guys! u r complimenting only each other's points...
Bottomline: 'theerpu' solra neram vandhachu..
1)marriage n career can co-exist-but- it is slightly??!! more harder for women to pursue career after marriage..
@karthik 9-5 job guys will be ok.. they wld want their wife/wives to work.. but imagine if she wants to be a model.. a film maker? or what if she wantsto be a bar tender? nadakuma? i would give it 1% chance..
..On the other hand.. men do have the advantage of pursuing any career they want...
@Anu
Nowadays, no mariage-only career decision for girls solely depends on themselves.. konjam kashtamthaan.. but they have ta say no their dad's n support themselves if they truly believe they have a great career...
@Deep
:-) I am sure u never expected this many reactions to such a simple post..
:-)
P.S.
Oye.... yaaruppa anga "Theerpa maathich chollu" nu sound kuduthathu??
My turn. Guys, watever!
@Li... my comments were intact right from the begining... its only anu who had biased understanding... and btw, thanks for understanding my stand!
@Ts.. yeah! whatever!!!!
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